{"title":"POLITELY PISSED OFF","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003eFor those who have mastered the art of the smiling nod while internally screaming. Welcome to \u003cb\u003ePolitely Pissed Off\u003c\/b\u003e, the official outfitter for everyone fluent in weaponized pleasantries and razor-sharp sarcasm. This collection is a curated arsenal of snark and side-eye, letting you say what you \u003ci\u003ereally\u003c\/i\u003e mean without having to say it at all. Go on, bless their hearts.\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"cheeky-santa-yard-flag","title":"\"Cheeky Santa\" Holiday Yard Flag","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\"Nothing For You, Whore\" Sarcastic Santa Christmas Flag | Funny Profane Holiday Decor\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis year, Santa has checked his list, he's checked it twice, and he is NOT holding back. For those who are proudly and permanently on the naughty list, this is the holiday greeting you've been waiting for. It’s the ultimate piece of anti-Christmas cheer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis flag delivers maximum holiday shock value, pairing a cheekily grinning Santa Claus with the brutally funny message: \"NOTHING FOR YOU, WHORE\". It’s the perfect juxtaposition of festive cheer and profane humor, guaranteed to make the carolers stop dead in their tracks. A must-have for anyone with a dark sense of humor who's tired of the overly sweet holiday season.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eFeatures:\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVibrant \u0026amp; Unfading:\u003c\/strong\u003e The high-quality sublimation process ensures Santa's grin and your message stay crisp and unapologetic.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDurable Material:\u003c\/strong\u003e Crafted from a tough, triple layer 100% polyester to withstand the shocked gasps of neighbors.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eStandard Size:\u003c\/strong\u003e Measures a perfect 12\" x 18\" to fit any standard garden flag stand.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDouble-Sided Print:\u003c\/strong\u003e Delivers the holiday judgment from every possible angle.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePlease Note:\u003c\/strong\u003e This listing is for the flag only. The stand\/pole is NOT included.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Contrabud Ink","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51892519928021,"sku":null,"price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/2739\/8101\/files\/WHORE_SANTA_FLAG.png?v=1755905835"},{"product_id":"cool-people-yard-flag","title":"\"Cool People\" Yard Flag","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\"Cool People Live Here\" Skeleton Peace Sign Flag | Gothic \u0026amp; Punk Yard Decor\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eConsider this a public service announcement for your neighborhood. This flag is a simple, bold declaration of the undeniable truth about your household, letting everyone know exactly what's up before they even reach the door.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFeaturing a classic skeleton hand throwing up a peace sign, this flag proudly states \"COOL PEOPLE LIVE HERE\" The minimalist white-on-black design is effortlessly edgy and gets the point across without any fuss. It’s the perfect welcome sign for the home with a punk rock, gothic, or just plain awesome vibe.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eFeatures:\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVibrant \u0026amp; Unfading:\u003c\/strong\u003e The high-quality sublimation process ensures the design stays crisp and won't fade.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDurable Material:\u003c\/strong\u003e Crafted from a tough, triple layer 100% polyester.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eStandard Size:\u003c\/strong\u003e Measures a perfect 12\" x 18\" to fit any standard garden flag stand.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDouble-Sided Print:\u003c\/strong\u003e The cool vibes are visible from every angle.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePlease Note:\u003c\/strong\u003e This listing is for the flag only. The stand\/pole is NOT included.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Contrabud Ink","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51892740522197,"sku":null,"price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/2739\/8101\/files\/COOL_PEOPLE_FLAG.png?v=1755906574"},{"product_id":"my-happy-place-yard-flag","title":"\"My Happy Place\" Yard Flag","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\"Happy Place\" Funny Introvert Yard Flag | Sarcastic Welcome Garden Decor\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour home is your sanctuary, your peaceful escape from the chaos of the world. This flag perfectly captures that idyllic vibe... with a hilarious and brutally honest twist that any friendly introvert will appreciate.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA beautiful rainbow arcs over a serene beach scene, inviting you to relax in a lone lawn chair and soak it all in. The message starts as a warm \"WELCOME TO MY HAPPY PLACE,\" but the punchline in the parentheses—\"(Don't ruin it by stopping by)\"—delivers the perfect dose of sarcastic humor for those who cherish their peace and quiet.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eFeatures:\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVibrant \u0026amp; Unfading:\u003c\/strong\u003e The high-quality sublimation process ensures the design stays crisp and won't fade.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDurable Material:\u003c\/strong\u003e Crafted from a tough, triple layer 100% polyester.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eStandard Size:\u003c\/strong\u003e Measures a perfect 12\" x 18\" to fit any standard garden flag stand.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDouble-Sided Print:\u003c\/strong\u003e The hilarious message is visible from every angle.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePlease Note:\u003c\/strong\u003e This listing is for the flag only. The stand\/pole is NOT included.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Contrabud Ink","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51897467470037,"sku":null,"price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/2739\/8101\/files\/HAPPY_PLACE.png?v=1755906791"},{"product_id":"mosquito-season-yard-flag","title":"\"Mosquito Season\" Yard Flag","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\"We're Back!\" Funny Mosquito Yard Flag | Sarcastic Summer Decor\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAh, the sweet return of warm weather, long evenings, and the great outdoors. Unfortunately, that also means the return of the official party crashers of summer. This flag is the perfect, sarcastically cheerful announcement of their unwelcome arrival.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFeaturing a ridiculously happy-looking cartoon mosquito against a bright blue sparkly background, this flag hilariously proclaims \"We're back!\". To add a little extra salt to the wound, the pesky critter even asks, \"MISS ME?\". It’s a wonderfully passive-aggressive tribute to the unofficial bird of summer and a must-have for anyone with a sense of humor about seasonal pests.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eFeatures:\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVibrant \u0026amp; Unfading:\u003c\/strong\u003e The high-quality sublimation process ensures the design stays crisp and won't fade.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDurable Material:\u003c\/strong\u003e Crafted from a tough, triple layer 100% polyester.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eStandard Size:\u003c\/strong\u003e Measures a perfect 12\" x 18\" to fit any standard garden flag stand.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDouble-Sided Print:\u003c\/strong\u003e The sarcastic announcement is visible from every angle.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePlease Note:\u003c\/strong\u003e This listing is for the flag only. The stand\/pole is NOT included.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Contrabud Ink","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51897605095637,"sku":null,"price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/2739\/8101\/files\/MOSQUITO_FLAG.png?v=1755907279"},{"product_id":"its-not-pizza-yard-flag","title":"\"It's Not Pizza\" Yard Flag","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\"It's Not Pizza\" Equal Rights Flag | Progressive Social Justice Yard Decor\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSome concepts are so important, they need a simple explanation. This flag is a powerful and witty statement of support for equality, using a universally understood analogy to make its point crystal clear. It’s the perfect way to show your home stands for inclusivity and human rights for all.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWith a bold, pop-art design, this flag delivers its message loud and clear: \"Equal rights for others does not mean fewer rights for you. It's not pizza.\" The clever contrast between the finite nature of a pizza and the infinite nature of human rights makes this a smart, effective, and conversation-starting piece for any yard.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eFeatures:\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVibrant \u0026amp; Unfading:\u003c\/strong\u003e The high-quality sublimation process ensures the design stays crisp and won't fade.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDurable Material:\u003c\/strong\u003e Crafted from a tough, triple layer 100% polyester.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eStandard Size:\u003c\/strong\u003e Measures a perfect 12\" x 18\" to fit any standard garden flag stand.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDouble-Sided Print:\u003c\/strong\u003e The powerful message is visible from every angle.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePlease Note:\u003c\/strong\u003e This listing is for the flag only. The stand\/pole is NOT included.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Contrabud Ink","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51898513981653,"sku":null,"price":20.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/2739\/8101\/files\/PIZZA_FLAG.png?v=1755907711"},{"product_id":"the-holy-trinity-zipper-bag","title":"\"The Holy Trinity\" Zipper Bag","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\"Powered By Caffeine\" Funny Makeup Bag | Sarcasm \u0026amp; Setting Spray Zipper Pouch\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor everyone whose daily survival depends on the holy trinity: a strong coffee, a sharp wit, and a flawless makeup finish. This pouch isn't just for storage; it's a declaration of the essential fuels that get you through the day with unapologetic style and sass.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFeaturing a gorgeous, retro-inspired pinup illustration, this bag celebrates the power of \"Caffeine, Sarcasm \u0026amp; Setting Spray\" in elegant script. It’s the perfect accessory to hold your makeup, pens, or any other essentials you need to conquer the chaos. It's brutally honest and chaos-approved.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eFeatures:\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDurable Material:\u003c\/strong\u003e Crafted from a sturdy polyester canvas that can handle being tossed in a bag, glove box, or onto a messy car floor.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePerfect Size:\u003c\/strong\u003e Measures approximately 9\" wide by 6.5\" high. (Please note, exact dimensions may vary slightly).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVibrant Print:\u003c\/strong\u003e High-quality sublimation ensures the design is bold, brilliant, and won't fade away.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSecure Zipper:\u003c\/strong\u003e Features a sturdy zipper to keep all your secrets (and lipsticks) safe. (Please note, zipper color may vary).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Contrabud Ink","offers":[{"title":"BLACK PINUP MODEL","offer_id":51918045413589,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"LATINA PINUP MODEL","offer_id":51918045446357,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"REDHEAD PINUP MODEL","offer_id":51918045479125,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/2739\/8101\/files\/BLACKSARCASMMOCKUP.png?v=1755909106"},{"product_id":"very-demure-zipper-bag","title":"\"Mindful Demure\" Zipper Bag","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\"Very Demure\" TikTok Rant Makeup Bag | Funny \"Jessica\" Zipper Pouch\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is for everyone who's ever been a \"Jessica\" at their job. Inspired by the legendary TikTok rant, this bag is a tribute to wearing your festival makeup to the office and not caring who has a problem with it. It's not a makeup bag; it's a statement of solidarity.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDone in a sweet, retro 70s style, this pouch sarcastically coos the now-immortal words: \"Very Demure, Very Mindful.\" It’s the absolute perfect place to store the glitter, the bold liner, and the blinding highlighter that might just get you talked about in a coworker's car rant. Be as demure and mindful as Jessica was.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eFeatures:\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDurable Material:\u003c\/strong\u003e Crafted from a sturdy polyester canvas that can handle being tossed in a bag, glove box, or onto a messy car floor.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePerfect Size:\u003c\/strong\u003e Measures approximately 9\" wide by 6.5\" high. (Please note, exact dimensions may vary slightly).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVibrant Print:\u003c\/strong\u003e High-quality sublimation ensures the design is bold, brilliant, and won't fade away.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSecure Zipper:\u003c\/strong\u003e Features a sturdy zipper to keep all your secrets (and lipsticks) safe. (Please note, zipper color may vary).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Contrabud Ink","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51922316624085,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/2739\/8101\/files\/DEMUREMINDFULMOCKUP.png?v=1755978976"},{"product_id":"douche-bag-zipper-bag","title":"\"Douche Bag\" Zipper Bag","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\"Douche Bag\" Funny Novelty Zipper Pouch | Sarcastic Makeup Bag\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLet's not be coy. You know what it is. It's a bag. You put stuff in it. This one just happens to be brutally, literally honest. It's the ultimate conversation starter... or ender, depending on the company.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIs it a literal statement? A term of endearment? A commentary on the contents within? Yes. With the words \"DOUCHE BAG\" in a font that's as bold and unapologetic as you are, this pouch is a masterpiece of crude humor. Perfect for your actual toiletries, makeup, or as a gift for the biggest douchebag you know and love.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eFeatures:\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDurable Material:\u003c\/strong\u003e Crafted from a sturdy polyester canvas that can handle being tossed in a bag, glove box, or onto a messy car floor.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePerfect Size:\u003c\/strong\u003e Measures approximately 9\" wide by 6.5\" high. (Please note, exact dimensions may vary slightly).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVibrant Print:\u003c\/strong\u003e High-quality sublimation ensures the design is bold, brilliant, and won't fade away.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSecure Zipper:\u003c\/strong\u003e Features a sturdy zipper to keep all your secrets (and lipsticks) safe. (Please note, zipper color may vary).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Contrabud Ink","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51922503598293,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/2739\/8101\/files\/DOUCHEBAGMOCKUP.png?v=1755980372"},{"product_id":"emotional-support-makeup-zipper-bag","title":"\"Emotional Support Makeup\" Zipper Bag","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\"Emotional Support Makeup\" Funny First-Aid Parody Bag | Makeup Lover Pouch\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSound the alarm! It's a bad mood emergency. A low-confidence crisis. A last-minute-plans-appeared-out-of-nowhere situation. For every non-medical emergency that requires immediate glam, there's this life-saving pouch.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDesigned like a classic medical alert symbol, this bag proudly declares its contents as \"EMOTIONAL SUPPORT MAKEUP.\" It replaces the traditional snake and staff with the true life-saving tools: a mascara wand and a fluffy brush. It’s the perfect emergency kit for anyone who believes in the therapeutic power of a perfect winged liner or a bold lip.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eFeatures:\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDurable Material:\u003c\/strong\u003e Crafted from a sturdy polyester canvas that can handle being tossed in a bag, glove box, or onto a messy car floor.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePerfect Size:\u003c\/strong\u003e Measures approximately 9\" wide by 6.5\" high. (Please note, exact dimensions may vary slightly).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVibrant Print:\u003c\/strong\u003e High-quality sublimation ensures the design is bold, brilliant, and won't fade away.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSecure Zipper:\u003c\/strong\u003e Features a sturdy zipper to keep all your secrets (and lipsticks) safe. (Please note, zipper color may vary).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Contrabud Ink","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51922543182037,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/2739\/8101\/files\/EMOTIONALSUPPORTMOCKUP.png?v=1755981516"},{"product_id":"resistant-and-flawless-zipper-bag","title":"\"Resistant and Flawless\" Zipper Bag","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\"My Existence Is Resistance\" Makeup Bag | Funny Political Pouch\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor those who know that living your truth is a revolutionary act. This bag starts with a powerful political statement and finishes it with a declaration of personal fabulousness, because you should never have to choose between the two.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe bold, unapologetic statement \"MY EXISTENCE IS RESISTANCE\" is paired with a cheeky, rainbow-script reminder: \"(and my makeup is flawless)\". It's a tribute to everyone fighting the good fight while serving a perfect look. Use it to hold your everyday essentials or the specific shades you use for your war paint.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eFeatures:\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDurable Material:\u003c\/strong\u003e Crafted from a sturdy polyester canvas that can handle being tossed in a bag, glove box, or onto a messy car floor.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePerfect Size:\u003c\/strong\u003e Measures approximately 9\" wide by 6.5\" high. (Please note, exact dimensions may vary slightly).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVibrant Print:\u003c\/strong\u003e High-quality sublimation ensures the design is bold, brilliant, and won't fade away.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSecure Zipper:\u003c\/strong\u003e Features a sturdy zipper to keep all your secrets (and lipsticks) safe. (Please note, zipper color may vary).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Contrabud Ink","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51922545475797,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/2739\/8101\/files\/EXISTANCEMOCKUP.png?v=1755981841"},{"product_id":"hoe-bag-zipper-bag","title":"\"Hoe Bag\" Zipper Bag","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\"Hoe Bag\" Funny Novelty Zipper Pouch | Sex-Positive Sarcastic Bag\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLook, sometimes you don't plan on sleeping in your own bed. Be prepared. This brutally honest pouch is here to hold all your essentials for wherever the night might take you. No judgment, just good, clean, chaotic fun.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIn a font that's as thick as your lashes and as bold as your life choices, this pouch proudly announces itself as the \"HOE BAG.\" It's the perfect sex-positive, shame-free accessory for your overnight necessities, your makeup, or as a hilarious gift for your favorite hoe. Pack it with pride.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eFeatures:\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDurable Material:\u003c\/strong\u003e Crafted from a sturdy polyester canvas that can handle being tossed in a bag, glove box, or onto a messy car floor.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePerfect Size:\u003c\/strong\u003e Measures approximately 9\" wide by 6.5\" high. (Please note, exact dimensions may vary slightly).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVibrant Print:\u003c\/strong\u003e High-quality sublimation ensures the design is bold, brilliant, and won't fade away.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSecure Zipper:\u003c\/strong\u003e Features a sturdy zipper to keep all your secrets (and lipsticks) safe. (Please note, zipper color may vary).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Contrabud Ink","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51922747621589,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/2739\/8101\/files\/MOCKUP12.png?v=1755982327"},{"product_id":"better-late-than-ugly-zipper-bag","title":"\"Better Late Than Ugly\" Zipper Bag","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\"Better Late Than Ugly\" Funny Makeup Bag | Retro Pinup Zipper Pouch\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSome people live by the clock. Others live by a much more important code. This pouch is for everyone who understands that punctuality is a suggestion, but looking fabulous is a requirement. It’s the perfect excuse for your grand entrance.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWith a sassy pinup illustration and a bold, retro font, this bag proudly displays the ultimate mantra: \"Better late than Ugly.\" It’s a funny, stylish, and brutally honest accessory for the chronically late and the effortlessly glamorous. Use it to hold the very products that make your arrival worth the wait.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eFeatures:\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDurable Material:\u003c\/strong\u003e Crafted from a sturdy polyester canvas that can handle being tossed in a bag, glove box, or onto a messy car floor.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePerfect Size:\u003c\/strong\u003e Measures approximately 9\" wide by 6.5\" high. (Please note, exact dimensions may vary slightly).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVibrant Print:\u003c\/strong\u003e High-quality sublimation ensures the design is bold, brilliant, and won't fade away.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSecure Zipper:\u003c\/strong\u003e Features a sturdy zipper to keep all your secrets (and lipsticks) safe. (Please note, zipper color may vary).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Contrabud Ink","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51922748932309,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/2739\/8101\/files\/MOCKUP1_d6b6e444-e3db-4d2c-98d2-1750af7e3741.png?v=1755982934"},{"product_id":"muggy-zipper-bag","title":"\"Muggy\" Zipper Bag","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\"It's Getting Muggy In Here\" Funny Drag Quote Bag | Makeup Lover Pouch\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFor the dolls who know, sometimes a room just gets thick with fabulousness. This pouch is a playful nod to those moments when the artistry of makeup creates a truly palpable atmosphere.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePaired with a gorgeously glamorous illustration, this bag playfully declares: \"It's getting muggy in here, bitches.\" It's the perfect wink and a nudge for anyone who understands that a beautifully beat face is more than just makeup—it's an art form that can change the very air around you. Use it to carry all the essentials you need to contribute to the muggy forecast.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eFeatures:\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDurable Material:\u003c\/strong\u003e Crafted from a sturdy polyester canvas that can handle being tossed in a bag, glove box, or onto a messy car floor.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePerfect Size:\u003c\/strong\u003e Measures approximately 9\" wide by 6.5\" high. (Please note, exact dimensions may vary slightly).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVibrant Print:\u003c\/strong\u003e High-quality sublimation ensures the design is bold, brilliant, and won't fade away.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSecure Zipper:\u003c\/strong\u003e Features a sturdy zipper to keep all your secrets (and lipsticks) safe. (Please note, zipper color may vary).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e'''\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Contrabud Ink","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51922801262805,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/2739\/8101\/files\/MUGGYMOCKUP.png?v=1755983268"},{"product_id":"stoner-dog-lover-zipper-bag","title":"\"Stoner and Dog Lover\" Zipper Bag","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\"Smoke Pot \u0026amp; Pet My Dog\" Stoner Stash Bag | Funny Kawaii Dog Lover Pouch\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe perfect end to a long day of walks and throwing the ball? This. This pouch is for those whose priorities are simple and pure: good green and a good boy. It’s the official carrying case for the stoner rebel, lazy dog lover lifestyle.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFeaturing a super-cute anime character living her best life with her pup, this bag says what we're all thinking: \"I just wanna smoke pot and pet my dog.\" The wholesome kawaii art makes this the perfect, deceptively sweet stash bag for your flower, your papers, your lighter, and everything else you need for a chill night with your furry best friend.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eFeatures:\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDurable Material:\u003c\/strong\u003e Crafted from a sturdy polyester canvas that can handle being tossed in a bag, glove box, or onto a messy car floor.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePerfect Size:\u003c\/strong\u003e Measures approximately 9\" wide by 6.5\" high. (Please note, exact dimensions may vary slightly).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVibrant Print:\u003c\/strong\u003e High-quality sublimation ensures the design is bold, brilliant, and won't fade away.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSecure Zipper:\u003c\/strong\u003e Features a sturdy zipper to keep all your secrets (and lipsticks) safe. (Please note, zipper color may vary).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"Contrabud Ink","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51922808504533,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/2739\/8101\/files\/PETDOGMOCKUP.png?v=1755984337"},{"product_id":"say-perhaps-zipper-bag","title":"\"Say Perhaps\" Zipper Bag","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\"Say Perhaps To Drugs\" Funny Stash Bag | Sarcastic Anime Parody Pouch\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eRemember those after-school specials with their very clear, very simple rules? Well, life is a little more complicated than that. This pouch is for those who prefer nuance over absolutism and have a wicked sense of humor about it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFeaturing a mischievous anime girl who knows a secret or two, this bag offers a hilarious alternative to the old slogan: \"SAY PERHAPS TO DRUGS.\" It’s a cheeky, rebellious statement and the perfect, ironic stash bag for all your... perhapses. Adults only, obviously.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eFeatures:\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDurable Material:\u003c\/strong\u003e Crafted from a sturdy polyester canvas that can handle being tossed in a bag, glove box, or onto a messy car floor.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePerfect Size:\u003c\/strong\u003e Measures approximately 9\" wide by 6.5\" high. (Please note, exact dimensions may vary slightly).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVibrant Print:\u003c\/strong\u003e High-quality sublimation ensures the design is bold, brilliant, and won't fade away.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSecure Zipper:\u003c\/strong\u003e Features a sturdy zipper to keep all your secrets (and lipsticks) safe. (Please note, zipper color may vary).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eA quick heads-up:\u003c\/b\u003e We use digital mockups to give you the best idea of what your item will look like. The magic of sublimation means each piece is unique, so expect some minor variations in color and design placement. Think of it as your own little work of art!\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Contrabud Ink","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51922861097173,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/2739\/8101\/files\/SAYPERHAPSMOCKUP.png?v=1755985440"},{"product_id":"too-glam-zipper-bag","title":"\"Too Glam\" Zipper Bag","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\"Too Glam To Give A Damn\" Goth Tattoo Style Bag | Punk Glamour Pouch\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eLet them talk. You've got more important things to do, like being fabulous. This pouch is the official motto for anyone who has ascended to a higher plane of existence: one where drama, haters, and negativity simply can't touch you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIn a bold, gothic, tattoo-style font, this bag lays out the simple truth: you're \"Too Glam to Give a Damn.\" It’s a declaration of radical self-love and a promise to remain unbothered. Use it to store the makeup you wear for yourself and no one else, because you're the only one you need to impress.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eFeatures:\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDurable Material:\u003c\/strong\u003e Crafted from a sturdy polyester canvas that can handle being tossed in a bag, glove box, or onto a messy car floor.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePerfect Size:\u003c\/strong\u003e Measures approximately 9\" wide by 6.5\" high. (Please note, exact dimensions may vary slightly).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVibrant Print:\u003c\/strong\u003e High-quality sublimation ensures the design is bold, brilliant, and won't fade away.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSecure Zipper:\u003c\/strong\u003e Features a sturdy zipper to keep all your secrets (and lipsticks) safe. (Please note, zipper color may vary).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eA quick heads-up:\u003c\/b\u003e We use digital mockups to give you the best idea of what your item will look like. The magic of sublimation means each piece is unique, so expect some minor variations in color and design placement. Think of it as your own little work of art!\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Contrabud Ink","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51922871484629,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/2739\/8101\/files\/TOOGLAMMOCKUP.png?v=1755986014"},{"product_id":"woke-up-like-this-zipper-bag","title":"\"Woke Up Like This\" Zipper Bag","description":"\u003ch3\u003e\"I Woke Up Like This (Kinda)\" Funny Makeup Bag | Sarcastic Pop Art Pouch\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSure, you woke up. That part's true. The \"like this\" part? Well, that took a little... creative intervention. This pouch is a tribute to the beautiful, hilarious lie we all love to tell. It’s for everyone who knows that \"effortless\" is anything but.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIn a fun, pop-art style, this bag makes the bold declaration \"I WOKE UP LIKE THIS,\" before whispering the honest truth: \"(kinda)\". It’s the perfect, sarcastic accessory to hold the entire arsenal of brushes, powders, and paints required to achieve your stunning \"natural\" morning glow.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch4\u003eFeatures:\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h4\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDurable Material:\u003c\/strong\u003e Crafted from a sturdy polyester canvas that can handle being tossed in a bag, glove box, or onto a messy car floor.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003ePerfect Size:\u003c\/strong\u003e Measures approximately 9\" wide by 6.5\" high. (Please note, exact dimensions may vary slightly).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eVibrant Print:\u003c\/strong\u003e High-quality sublimation ensures the design is bold, brilliant, and won't fade away.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eSecure Zipper:\u003c\/strong\u003e Features a sturdy zipper to keep all your secrets (and lipsticks) safe. (Please note, zipper color may vary).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eA quick heads-up:\u003c\/b\u003e We use digital mockups to give you the best idea of what your item will look like. The magic of sublimation means each piece is unique, so expect some minor variations in color and design placement. Think of it as your own little work of art!\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Contrabud Ink","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51922880430293,"sku":null,"price":15.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/2739\/8101\/files\/WOKEUPMOCKUP.png?v=1755986640"},{"product_id":"the-hoe-bag","title":"\"The Hoe Bag\"","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003eThey say a lady's bag is an extension of her persona. We say, why not make that persona utterly hilarious?!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis isn't your grandma's pearl-clutching purse. This is the \"Hoe Bag,\" created for the woman who knows that true confidence shines brightest when you're laughing out loud. Get ready to bypass polite nods and go straight for genuine chuckles as you make your stylish, irreverent way through the day.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIn the rushed chaos of life, sometimes you just need a sturdy bag to hold all your crap in a hurry. And if that bag can also bring a smile to your face and those around you? Even better!\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eUnexpectedly Bold:\u003c\/b\u003e The perfect blend of functional tote and laugh-out-loud humor. Guaranteed to brighten up any outfit and any bystander's day.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cb\u003eSeriously Strong, Playfully Named:\u003c\/b\u003e Crafted from resilient durable canvas, it's ready for all your adventures, from the grocery store dash to that unexpected road trip.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cmeta charset=\"utf-8\"\u003e\u003cb\u003eA quick heads-up:\u003c\/b\u003e We use digital mockups to give you the best idea of what your item will look like. The magic of sublimation means each piece is unique, so expect some minor variations in color and design placement. Think of it as your own little work of art!\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Contrabud Ink","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":52045227458773,"sku":null,"price":18.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/2739\/8101\/files\/HOEBAGMU5.png?v=1758073405"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0657\/2739\/8101\/collections\/Firefly_a_cartoon_of_a_woman_s_face_looking_angry_upset_and_annoyed_and_rolling_her_eyes_up_409829.jpg?v=1756072459","url":"https:\/\/contrabud.myshopify.com\/collections\/politely-pissed-off.oembed","provider":"Contrabud Ink","version":"1.0","type":"link"}